Thursday, October 20, 2005

I did a rather scary thing

I told my rector this morning that indeed I might want to be a priest.

I'm now supposed to get a spiritual director (which I've been meaning to do, so this is a good kick in the pants) and meet with my priest once a month. She's scoping out the diocesan discernment process, which is currently being revised.

This is all a bit frightening, but I love and trust my priest and my parish, so I'm quite relaxed at the thought of going through this with them. And I'm in no rush, which helps. I'll be vaguely disappointed if at the end of my life, I was never called to the priesthood, but I don't need to have a vocation confirmed right now. If I'm ever supposed to, I think God and the Church will make it quite clear in their own time.

Still. Eek.

14 Comments:

At 12:37 PM, Blogger Emily said...

Prayers headed your way. Admitting it is the first step.

You'll find lots of support around here!

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger Sophia said...

Anna,

This is GREAT!

Believe me, if I can do this, you can too. I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS thought I might be in The Process at this or any other time in my life.

Here's wishing you all the best on your journey.

I will add you to my prayers.

(In case you are wondering who I am, I changed my username - I blog at I Will Sing)

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger Anna said...

Sophia's a great name too!

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't think I'm really starting the process yet. It's a pre-process, if anything, looking at what I need to work on before I even start anything formal.

Still, it felt a bit weird when I realized I should talk about it to my rector. I was talking to a friend who asked me where I want to be in twenty years, and my first thought was "I don't know, but I want to be a priest.

 
At 10:27 AM, Blogger Sophia said...

Hmm... Sounds like the sort of thoughts that I ignored for a number of years... :-)

I always figured I wasn't qualified because... well, there's a list of things. Maybe I'm too irreverent. Maybe I'm not pious enough. Maybe I'm too type A. Maybe I'm not academic enough. Maybe I've spent too much time exploring other traditions. Maybe I'm too liberal.

So far, not one of these things has come up as a problem for me... It is very very weird.

Taking your time is definitely a good idea. There's no reason to rush, and once you get beyond meetings with your rector things start to go really really fast.

I took extra time in the beginning of the process to be sure i could really do things in an Episcopal context. I'm a cradle Episcopalian but much of my most important spiritual development occurred outside of that context.

I was a religion major and I spent a great deal of time exploring other options before coming back to the Episcopal Church. My rector says now that he had to work on teaching me to "speak Anglican" when I first started meeting with him.

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger will smama said...

eek and awesome.

Enjoy the moment and the journey

 
At 9:50 PM, Blogger St. Casserole said...

Wonderful!

 
At 6:02 AM, Blogger Kathryn said...

Oh ANNA...Good on you! I really remember the first time I said those words to my vicar...they seemed so huge they were tangible...I could see them lying on the carpet between us, and I kind of longed to sweep them up and put them into a pocket.
It's a very exciting journey to be on, that of discernment: and having a Spiritual Director is just the most wonderful gift...so lots of prayers that you find the right one speedily.
Hugs and blessings x

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger jean said...

Oooooh, and eeeeeeek! Awesome and awfull.

 
At 1:57 PM, Anonymous Helen said...

Hi Anna! I'm gallycat, at http://gallycat.livejournal.com, and I am wrestling with these very same things! And feeling very "eek" about it too. Consider me a fellow pre-process person, and congratulations! Good luck on your journey!

Sophia, I've walked many paths during my years away from Episcopalianism too. I feel those exact "wonder ifs" as well.

Peace,
Helen

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger Sue said...

awesome Anna! I began my discernment process at the age of 32. That first moment of saying it out loud and taking the first step is a huge one...I'll be praying for you. It's an exciting time in your life, and as you said - a bit scary too.

Many blessings to you.

 
At 7:07 AM, Anonymous Lorna said...

Blessings as you discern your calling. There IS one on your life - and God will show you when, how and everything else you need but one step at a time.

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Anna said...

Thanks, all! Lorna, good point about having a vocation to/for something, even if it's not the priesthood. I completely agree, and that's one thing that makes this whole thing okay. There are a hundred things I want to do in life, many of which would fit in very well with being a priest, but few (other than celebrating the Eucharist) that are contingent on it!

I really do want to celebrate the Eucharist. Badly.

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger Teri said...

Congratulations and many prayers are yours! I still remember exactly how I told my pastor: in front of the Disney Store on Michigan Ave in Chicago, he asked what I wanted to do instead of what I was doing and before I even thought I said "I think I want your job."
It's an amazing, wonderful, exciting, and sometimes difficult journey--use your spiritual director well because s/he can be a fantastic friend for you in this time. God Bless!
peace

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger Kathryn said...

Anna.....2 good books on vocation in general are by Francis Dewar. One is "Called or Collared" and I can't think of the other title (and have leant them to a parishioner who is in a similar place to you right now)WELL worth a look on Amazon, though

 

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